Weight.

Have you ever just wanted to tear off all the fat on your body? Like you're so tired of looking at it that you think of violent ways of just getting it off your bones. Burning it. Freezing it. Scraping it. Cutting it. Peeling it. You're so tired of not looking like or feeling like yourself. Because you've become so unrecognizable that even your personality starts to change. And you don't want to leave the house because you're so ashamed of what you look like. You're afraid to run into people you haven't seen in a while because they'll do a double take and say your name with an inflection that implies they aren't sure it's actually you. Have you ever felt like the fat on your body is a malignant growth covering your self-esteem and eating away at everything in your life. And you people tell you, "it'll melt right off, just start working out" but the motivation and self-discipline comes and goes in waves. So you cultivate an unhealthy relationship with food and eat a fucking can of green beans and call it a meal. But hey. At least I'm still pretty, though.

—B